People like to say don’t be too harsh on yourself Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made But why does it feel like a portion of my pain could have been avoided Only if in my youth I was taught what to truly seek and want How to weed out the traps How to love … Continue reading Just a thought
Can you feel it?
My mind and soul are in tune Can’t you feel it? That intense, intense feeling That feeling The vivacity of this profound Energy It’s ability to forcefully Over power the ethos in which I was drowning Can you not grasp it? Oh, wait, no Because this feeling immerses in the most overflowing magnitude That my … Continue reading Can you feel it?
Lived
Ohhhh….. I have lived I’ve been to the pits of hell Rooted in that crystaling brown boiling oil Not blindly, But eyes wide open One step forward, right after the other Watched as my flesh fell off But forward we moved In my nakedness with my cover gone, skinless I stood bare And disintegrated into … Continue reading Lived
F.E.E.L
I feel everything Time will pass and your every touch that lingered on my body will disappear The kindness of your words That disappointed me but before Let me dream Strengthen my vision A second, no nights of discouragement, sadness and doubt in who I am and my worth Did not overwhelm me But the … Continue reading F.E.E.L
Healing
I love a hot shower but boyyyy does a cold one wake me up. Soo many humps and bumps have crossed my path. It happens to be time to let go of the pain Some I’ve healed from and others I haven’t. This is not a poem but rather a thought. I’ve begun my journey … Continue reading Healing
Death is my friend
Death is my friendOr so I wish he wereCapture me and drag me into the abyssScar me, tell me liesBring forth a mirror asI watch us merge into one anotherDeath tell me a storyAbout how I lay my life awayHow worth slides through to the pits of hellBurn me I dareAfter all you are my … Continue reading Death is my friend
Life
Life These days are So hope filled With joy, love and emotion A connection deeper than the depth of the your depressive thoughts of suicide You are okay Tomorrow is unknown Is that not the point To feel Everything Be it unsubconcious deciet that betrays any thought of togetherness But you are alone One No … Continue reading Life
Dear Self
I cannot apologize enough. To merely utter the words does not excuse my ignorance. All the breakage you’ve been dragged through. Cuts. Stabs. Beatings. Are you not exhausted? You must be bleeding. Are parts of you missing? Must be, because I’ve put you through torment. COLLAPSE!! Why don’t you just COLLAPSE?! Shatter like fragile glass. … Continue reading Dear Self
Letters
Dear romantic Me I’ve reached a point of distaste. Dislike. Possibly distance from connectivity. I do not dwell on insight, instinct nor inquire for there is no need for this knowledge. To feel depth with another individual has become beneath me. I share no heart, care nor love for that fire has died out. At … Continue reading Letters
Who was he?
I had only heard whispers of himNever had I wanted to meet himThe terror of which he was Oh but how naive of meHow could I be so foolish?How couldn't I have known?I had already met him He was so loving in the beginningHis smile smothered my heart with warmthIf only I had known his … Continue reading Who was he?
Speak things into Existence
Words are powerful. If you in mind feed yourself with positive thoughts, then your words will be positive. All you will see is that which you speak. How you act upon your words will determine your destiny.Gandhi once said"Your beliefs become your thoughts.Your thoughts become your words.Your words become your actions.Your actions become your habits.Your … Continue reading Speak things into Existence
Chaos
I was caught up in a momentary standstill, where chaos distracted me. Resolved itself into gestures that consumed time. My time. But what is time without chaos? Evolved to dissolve into nothingness. A process that allows for the disruption of order into a state of organized chaos. Blind is the naked eye. Chaos cannot be … Continue reading Chaos
This is not my story
I saw him. He stood there head tall like he had done nothing wrong. All I saw was a defect. A man, a weak and wicked man. And all I could think of was "look at me, please. See what I've become because of you". Like you even cared, like I even mattered that way. … Continue reading This is not my story
I’m not okay
I can't breathe. My eyes are red. Tears are running down my cheeks. My thoughts discourage me. I walked past the mirror and I didn't like what I saw.I saw a girl that has a ugly body figure. No butt, no resemblance of beauty, flabby arms and a personality that I can't describe. Then I thought … Continue reading I’m not okay
Dear Future Husband
Approach me with confidence. Let your words flow with distinct honesty. Rather speak with truth then openly hide it. I am your equal. All in or nothing at all. Let's work on the communication. It's never been easy but we got this far. This invasion was never foreseen. Spoil me. Not materialistically but emotionally. The explosion of … Continue reading Dear Future Husband
Empty
I thought I knew what I wanted I thought I wanted Love So I gave it to everyone in my path Now I feel nothing but emptiness I’ve felt this emptiness before Have I given it all away again? Have I no purpose anymore once more? Where can I find more? I don’t want to … Continue reading Empty
High School
Being in the situation and thinking back can make one realize where they went wrong immensely . When I was in grade 8, I was forced to into a new world. Living in the hostel became a resource of knowledge of varies topics. Never felt exactly like I fit in, but does anyone fully really … Continue reading High School
Primary
Dear Primary School me, where did you go? I miss you. Even though the entire experience wasn't filled joy, awesomeness and adventure. The affects of the subconscious and verbal bullying took effect. I was a very secluded child. Comfort came from being at home. Taking joy in dancing in the living room, designing clothes for … Continue reading Primary
“form/insecure”
I remember the days when my body was just a mere physical form. Used to do the basic day to day activities. When I thought I was perfect. When I felt perfect. I didn't need to look at the person next to me and find the contrast between us. I didn't have to judge myself. … Continue reading “form/insecure”
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Oppression Compression Repression Depression Reeks of desperation A prison imposed onto society by society consciously and subconsciously. Limits development. Cracking substructure to ruin. The foundation of inner perception. Thus casting a wrinkle in each soul.
I am your typical girl
Raised with my hands tied behind my back. Eyes pierce me from every direction. In a moment of freedom I am left to claw my way home. Robbed of my virtue. Left with nothing but pieces of glass. To cut a way forward or succumb to my affair. You pay no attention to my former, … Continue reading I am your typical girl
Childhood
Growing up the only world I knew was my own. I was the creator, knowing of only playing in the yard alone. Oh but I wasn't really alone, the insects were part of my curiosity. Building tiny village houses for the ants one day, another collecting them for swimming races in the bathroom basin. Naming … Continue reading Childhood
Seasons
And I thought Come oh Winter let us sit and converse about the devious night and manipulative day Come oh Summer let us sit and converse of the dead Come oh Spring let us drown in your lies Come oh Autumn let me burn your leaves and watch you choke short of breath Ileni Lyaanyuka
Bloom
5 December 2017 You can't expect a flower to grow if you pluck it before it can bloom. Stop plucking the dreams of others by deafening the sound of their imagination. A persons ability to accomplish the extraordinary is as big as the opportunity they crave. - Ileni Lyaanyuka
I am but a Child
22 June 2017 I gave it up at 14, thinking I was ready yet again I felt ready. I gave it up to a complete stranger. Pablo, the name of the man that took it. He manipulated me into saying yes by using lust in the form of hands and tongue, words of pleasure. I never … Continue reading I am but a Child
IL's Diary 